Jordan Carver and Her Twin Moons Enter Our Planetary Orbit
I knew I felt some type of disturbance in The Force last evening, a gravitational pull upon me staff that could only be explained by the presence of not one, but two new moons in local orbit around the Egotastic! offices, and, indeed, my suspicions were confirmed upon seeing Jordan Carver dining out in Hollywood last evening, her two stellar orbs on bright red cleavetastic display outside Maestro’s steakhouse. A juicy bit of red meat indeed.
It’s not that I want to stare like a catatonic drooling fool at Jordan’s amazingly well-rounded foreground funbags, it’s just that it’s impossible not to. They’re blessed beasts of nature that demand optical attention. Those State Fair blue ribbon melons have caused many a man to suffer horrific kinks in his neck, let alone the kinks in other places. They ought to be registered as lethal weapons; and I’d like to handle the registration process. Oh, dear Jordan, now that you’re in town, won’t you please please unleash those grandiose puppies. Enjoy.
