To Know the Preacher’s Sins, Listen to What He Condemns

More than a few Republican Party politicos have preached

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conservative family values while living by a different set of values. Values that gave Newt “The Nat” Gingrich license to marry his second wife after serving his first wife with divorce papers while she was bedridden in a hospital recovering from cancer. Newt would later carry on an affair with a staffer 20 years his junior while spearheading the impeachment hearings against Bill Clinton for crimes of moral turpitude. The staffer later became his third wife.

A set of unique values that allowed closeted gay congressman, Florida Rep. Mark Foley, to premise a political career campaigning for laws against child predation, all while sexting barely legal male pages. A set of values that permitted gay bashing Idaho Senator, Larry “wide-stance” Craig, to cruise for hot man-on-man action in airport restrooms. Sen. Craig’s co-sponsor of the homophobic “Marriage Protection Amendment” was Sen. David Vitter, a Louisiana pol who had a penchant for suiting up as a baby, complete with diapers and giant pacifier, when he frequented his D.C. cat-house.

A set of values whereby South Carolina Governor, Mark Sanford, told his staff and wife he was participating in a weekend hike on the Appalachian trail, only to disappear to Argentina to bang his mistress. A set of values that allowed former arch conservative crusader, New York Governor and former Attorney General Eliot Spitzer, to aggressively campaign against prostitution, while dipping his pen into the pooty of Manhattan’s more expensive escorts, allegedly sans condom and at the tax payers’ expense. Spitzer is presently an adjunct professor at New York’s City College. His course? “Law and Public Policy”.

Just last week, married California Republican Assemblyman,

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MikeDuvall, was forced to resign after a hot mic caught him boasting of BDSM sex games with a female lobbyist and another unnamed woman.

As an accomplished madam who runs one of Sin City’s most successful and exclusive brothels, I know a little about this subject. Firstly, as much as I loathe the hypocrisy, intolerance and demagoguery of the GOP, my ledger sheets are a monthly reminder that their repressed and twisted libidos account for a goodly 60% of the brothel’s annual revenue stream.

You fetishists out there. You have nothing on these tubby bill pushers. The more conservative their politics, the more extreme their fetish. Those legislators that rail against civil rights legislation want to be bound, strung up and abused by my most rigorous dominatrices. Those male lawmakers that supported California’s Proposition 8 banning gay marriage have the greatest predilection for our choir boys, or strap-on Greek action with one of our hooker-nuns. Or both.

One GOPer’s love of fascism extended to a Hitleresque scat fetish. As fellow students of arcane history may know,

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Adolph Hitler was sexually aroused by having his mistress release her bowels upon his chest. Lovely, yes? I’m liberal at accommodating divergent sexual indulgences, but draw the line at poop. I must say, however, I was sorely tempted to squat-and-drop on the lawmaker myself after eight years of George W. Bush shatting all over the U.S. Constitution with his Patriot Act.

Those who proselytize as to what shall not go on in the bedrooms of their constituency are projecting their own desires upon those patronized. To know the sins of the preacher, listen to what he preaches against.