Punked By God

Historically, man has shown an ironic tendency to “create”

Sister Ninlil

God in his image.

The Holy Trinity is the best example. Perhaps to make the concept of God more accessible. This notion is at direct odds with the biblical contention that God created man in his image (Gen. 1:26-28). Leave it to Christian orthodoxy to bootstrap the Y chromosome into these fairy tales in order to perpetuate an oppressive patriarchal-theocratic California Roll.

Our Lady of the Blessed Va-jj puts the sashimi back into the sushi. Since no one truly knows whether it’s an enlarged prostate or menstrual cramps that have left God so irascible as of late, what with all this war, genocide and Lindsay Lohan, we at Metropoleis

Sister Ninlil

Ministries simply embrace God as a slightly tone deaf eunuch. An entity that hits a bad note on occasion, but is capable of servicing both sexes. A happy hermaphrodite.

And like so many hermaphrodites, God abhors false flattery. As was evident this week at Weinhaus Church in Vienna, Austria. Weinhaus parishioner, Gunther Link, found himself trapped in an elevator. A devout Christian, Link prayed for rescue posthaste. Link’s prayers were answered. A free man, Link beelined it to Weinhaus Church to thank his maker. As Link communed with the Lord, emotion overtook him and he reached out to steady himself against an altar column. At that moment, the 860 lb stone pillar toppled and collapsed upon Gunther Link, killing him instantly (UK Telegraph, 09/10/09).

At Our Lady of the Blessed Va-jj, this is why our clergy and clerics do

Sister Ninlil

their best work on their backs with eyes wide open. While our Las Vegas parish sports the traditional cathedral with flying buttresses and holy roller coaster, it’s the church brothel that distinguishes us from more pedestrian pimp temples. Where penance is proffered lying atop 800-thread-count sheets and beneath a sexually insatiable hooker-nun. Should the Happy Hermaphrodite hiccup and cause a fixture to fall, it’s far easier to roll clear of the strike zone while horizontal than when on bended knee with eyes closed. Cognitive

Sister Ninlil

and physical responsiveness are more acute during the old in-out, so that also betters the odds of avoiding the tragedy that befell poor Gunther.

Our Lady of the Blessed Va-jj: where the faithful come to confess . . . and climax.

Yours in Sweet Sin,

Mdm. Clarice Westwater