Kanye West Be My Bitch

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Serena Williams taking her pet, a collared and ball-gagged Kanye West,for a stroll around Central Park. That’s the image that came to mind when this domina perused the morning’s New York Post, Page Six headlines. In all candor, they could both use a ball gag. I would be delighted to do my bit of civic duty and donate a pair from the dungeon.

As most music fans know by now, mediocre talent-tot, Kanye West, pulled another boorish stunt last night at the 2009 MTV VMA awards. The egomaniacal hip-hop-head bulldozed over Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech after she won Female Video of the Year. The pint sized terror jumped on stage and grabbed the mic from Swift to protest that the award belonged to Beyonce. Later that night, after taking the prize for Video of the Year, Beyonce distanced herself from West’s crass incivility by foregoing her prepared remarks in order to allow Swift the opportunity to deliver her acceptance comments uninterrupted.

Sadly, the keen selflessness and consideration shown by Beyonce is a rarity in today’s world. This wasn’t Kanye West’s first televised episode of tourettes and is likely not his last.

[caption id="attachment_19209" align="alignleft" width="200" caption="Mdm Clarice Westwater"]

While West was verbally bitch slapping VMA winners, a similar drama was unfolding at the US Open Women’s Semi-Final. Serena Williams was playing against Kim Clijsters. In a gross departure from her characteristic dignified comportment, Serena Williams slipped a cog and flew into a blind rage at a hapless lineswoman. In an abusive, infantile meltdown that would make John McEnroe cringe, Williams threatened to kill the referee by shoving tennis balls down her throat. In the shadow of Williams’ menacing monolithic frame, the diminutive 5’2” lineswoman visibly paled, appearing more than slightly concerned for her physical well being as the tennis ace wielded her racket like a broadsword to underscore her upset. Ultimately, the only upset was Williams forfeiting the match point to Clijsters.

To round out this Monday’s misdeeds, three crew members from Michael Bay’s Transformer franchise came forward with a public letter in defense of the director. This, after Transformer���s petulant co-star, Megan Fox, likened Bay’s on-set governance to that of a Hitler. Considering that Fox was a nobody from San Fernando Valley when Bay cast her in the first Transformer’s movie, her sentiments would appear discordant with the star vehicle and director that put her name on the map. Bay took the high road and remained mum while Fox was running off at the mouth at various press junkets. It’s difficult to take incendiary statements like this seriously when the source is a sassy, rough looking broad who bears an uncanny resemblance to a Bratz doll. It made good copy, so the press ran with it. The crew were more forthcoming than the genteel Bay in opining their impression of the actress after spending 12 months working daily with the woman to yield two movies:

Yes, Megan has great eyes, a tight stomach we spray with

glycerin, and an awful silly Marilyn Monroe tattoo plastered on her arm that we cover up to keep the moms happy.

. . . she’s no Angelina. You see, Angelina is a professional . . . .We know this quite intimately because we’ve had the tedious experience of working with the dumb-as-a-rock Megan Fox on both Transformers movies.

High Priestess Westwater

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Megan has the press fooled . . . . When facing the press, Megan is the queen of talking trailer trash and posing like a porn star. And yes we’ve had the unbearable time of watching her try to act on set, and yes, it’s very cringe-able. So maybe, being a porn star in the future might be a good career option.

Ironically, Fox has gone on the record to liken the role of actresses in Hollywood to hookers. Perhaps this is all prescient. Her subconscious voicing the inevitable. Metropoleis Ministries is a silent partner in a few of the Valley���s thriving flesh flick studios. We are uniquely positioned to give Ms. Fox her second break; her entre into adult entertainment. Bitsie, my beloved pug, it looks like a bitch-to-bitch mind-meld is in order to prep Ms. Fox for her starring role in Bumblebee Does Detroit Bareback.

Yours in Sweet Sin,

Mdm Clarice Westwater